Interracial Relationships-Do's and Don'ts

Loving someone outside your ethnicity is great if done for the right reasons. My ancestors are made up of English, Cherokee, Choctaw and French so if not for these unions I would not be here.

I look white. When I was single I mostly dated Native American, Asian and Mexican guys. Because of my skin color I got some looks and learned to deal with it in a mature way.

I’ve read many comments in forums by people who date outside their race and have noticed some things that bother me. I thought I would list a few important things that need to be considered before taking the leap into a different culture.

Do-

1) First and foremost make sure you love the entire race and not just one gender.

If you are a white man and you love Asian women but say derogatory things about Asian men you are racist; I don’t care what you think.

If you marry an Asian woman and have children, there is a good chance you will have a son and he is going to have mom’s genes as well as yours which means he just might look more Asian than Caucasian. I have seen a few white men with this attitude and it bothers me greatly.

Making an exception for your child is not enough. He will sense your racism and it will give him a complex. I know, I’ve seen it happen first hand and it makes my blood boil. They are beautiful children and deserve to be loved for who they are, not who you wish they were.

2) Learn as much as you can about their culture.

Don’t assume they will take on your beliefs and forget their own. Marriage is a union of two people and even when they are the same race there are compromises and changes to make on both sides. I could tell you a story about a white girlfriend of mine who married a Jordanian man but that would take too long. Short story; it didn’t work out.

3) Think of the two of you as equals.

No race is dominant so get those thoughts out of your head. Love them on the same playing field or it won’t work.

4) If you are out on a date and someone gives you a dirty look: smile.

Don’t let them drag you down to their level. Do not get into a confrontation; just walk away. You love your significant other no matter what and if you care for them you will stand strong and not care what other people think.

5) Be open-minded about their culture.

I’ve heard the dog eating comment until I am sick of it. Look far enough back in history and you will find we all had roasted canine somewhere back in time. When a village is hungry enough anything looks like dinner.

Don’t-

1) Don’t make a big deal out of the fact you are with someone of a different ethnicity in public.

It is juvenile and only makes you look silly. In most cases no one cares if you are a black guy who is dating a white woman. (Just an example. I’ve seen this happen with many combinations so don’t get defensive.)

When this happens they think people are giving them negative looks due to the fact they aren’t from the same culture. No. They are staring because you are acting foolish. Stop it.

2) Don’t use pet names like “squaw” or other racial slurs.

I don’t care how cute you try to make it sound it is still racist. Your lover deserves more respect than that so knock it off.

3) Don’t refuse to try food from their country.

You don’t know you won’t like it until you at least try it. Looks can be deceiving. Some of the most god awful looking food tastes pretty good when you give it a whirl.

4) Don’t use words like fetish.

You can’t have a fetish for a race of people. The word fetish refers to inanimate objects like shoes or panties. What you have is a preference.

5) Don’t go for men or women of a different race because you were treated badly by the opposite sex of your own culture once or even a few times.

All people are different no matter what cookie cutter they were molded from. If you are having problems with the opposite sex you might take a look in the mirror. Chances are it's not their fault but something you need to work on in your own persona.

6) Don’t go for a person thinking all women of that race are going to be the same

Asian women are not all submissive, French women aren’t all oversexed, Mexican women can’t all cook, white women aren’t all gold diggers and black women aren’t all aggressive. I won’t go into the male stereotypes I’m sure you’ve heard them and they aren’t all correct either so get those stupid ideas out of your head.

7) Don’t say derogatory things about Asian men if you are an Asian woman marrying a white guy.

Chances are you will have a son who looks like your father who just happens to be, guess what, an Asian man. This just makes you look bad, not to mention giving your future son a complex.

8) Don’t think a person is racist if they don’t find people of your race sexually attractive.

I don’t find blond haired blue-eyed men attractive. That doesn’t make me racist to Swedish people; they just don’t ring my bell. That’s not racism; it’s a preference. Huge difference.

9) Don't get bent out of shape if you see a mixed couple out in public.

It amazes me the people that take offense to this. All white women do not belong to all white men and if she wasn't dating that guy you don't approve of she probably wouldn't be interested in you anyway so what is your problem?

I am neither condoning nor abhorring the practice of race mixing. I think people should be allowed to love whomever they please.

There is nothing wrong with preferring men or women of a different culture so long as you are doing it for the right reasons. You have to live with your decisions the rest of your life so make sure you are making them because you love that person as an individual and for the love of chop suey don’t drag innocent children into it until you get your head on straight.